Beers, bars, Barossa… that’s more like it.
We Australians do love taking our pianos down to the beach for a bit of a tinkle on the keys at dawn, and we love nothing better than going down to the Opera House and standing around on the steps, singing.
That’s a no-brainer. But then the controversial commercial seems to go off track a bit. I mean, who actually goes for a joy flight over the Whitsundays each morning? Or drives around disturbing big herds of “furry things”?
That’s not what’s good about Australia. That’s the clichéd stuff, the things everyone already knows about. We’ve got far more to boast about than that.
So as an unprompted – and completely unwanted – aid to Tourism Australia, I’ve come up with an alternative list of attractions that should have made the ad, sights that would truly persuade overseas visitors to book a trip to our great land (public transport and fantastic airports excepted).
Food – everyone’s food
You can get better Thai food in Thailand; just like you can get better Indian food in India, better Chinese food in China, and better Italian food in Italy. But there aren’t many places where can you get a pretty solid representation of all of those cuisines, plus hundreds more, in a single city. And we’ve got two of them.
Cooper’s beer
On our tourism ads, the friendly lager louts in their Akubras enjoying an afternoon – always an afternoon – at the pub will inevitably be swigging VB, or XXXX, or Foster’s. Bugger that. Cooper’s is the best Australian beer going around – every tourist should be encouraged to drink some.
Surry Hills
Opera House, Harbour Bridge, Manly Ferry, zzzzzzz. The harbour’s nice and all, but if you really want to spend some quality time in Sydney, I’d point tourists straight to the Slurry. There’s good food, Sydney’s version of good bars, loads of shops, and a nice, relaxed vibe.
Wineries
OK, so a lot of other countries make wine, too. But ours is legitimately up there with the best in the world – so how come Lara Bingle wasn’t standing in a row of vines asking where the bloody hell we were? Send tourists to the Barossa, or the Yarra Valley, or Margaret River, or the Hunter Valley. They’re better than Brisbane (sorry Brisbane).
The Byron Hinterland
With no billabongs, or herds of furry things, or big rocks or open waterways, the poor old Byron Hinterland gets forgotten when the ads are being made. But how about it? The rolling green hills, the weirdness of the Channon markets, the relaxed insanity of Nimbin, the quaint loveliness of Mullumbimby … and Tropical Fruit World! You can’t beat that.
Watching sport
A few slight problems with watching sport here: you get a plastic cup of watery slush instead of beer, and no one seems to have come up with a better chant than “Aussie Aussie Aussie, oi oi oi”. Aside from that though, tourists in Australia can watch a wide variety of sports (one of them a single-country curio that looks a bit like soccer), and all in relative safety. Can’t say that for every country.
Cradle Mountain
What’d Cradle Mountain do to anyone? Or Tassie in general, really? I know they’re a big strange, like the crazy cousin at your family barbecue, but think of all the good stuff down there: the hiking, the camping, the burgeoning food scene. And Cradle Mountain. C’mon, give it a chance to shine.
Melbourne’s laneways
I’m sure it’s nice to row down the Yarra every morning, or to play drums in a musical duo at Federation Square, but every Melburnian knows the true heart of the city beats in its dingy laneways and alleys. There’s art on the crumbling walls by some of the world’s biggest names, tiny unmarked bars that Sydney would step over its own Wollongong just to be able to boast one half as good, great cafes, and world-class restaurants. Beats dancing by the river every time.
Obviously, Tourism Australia got some bits right with its new Nothing Like Australia ad.
Which attractions do you think should have made the “Nothing Like Australia” ad?
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